W1 🛸 PLAYER CYOA: A CLOWNLESS CIRCUS 🚀 SIDON, LUCIEN, RODION, DION

[dropoffs]

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>START

[messy]

[Welcome to Gotham City, New Jersey.

Life in this world is just about the same as it is on modern day Earth, with a few big exceptions: Superheroes and supervillains are a big thing around these parts. The police are useless. People with superpowers, known as metahumans, are exceedingly common. Magic is real. Villains operate in broad daylight, even paying taxes on their evil lairs when they aren't committing tax fraud, and only heroic vigilantes are willing to stop them.

Gotham, in particular, is ripe with corruption and crime. Life is rough if you're a civilian. The local vigilantes can only do so much.

But that's not an issue for anyone in this group. After all, you are all part of Gotham City's villains.

These are things that everyone here will know intuitively once they open their eyes to this interrogation room. Or, uh, four separate interrogation rooms, really.

Each one of them will find themselves alone in one of these rooms, handcuffed to a chair with a flickering light barely illuminating the room and a wobbly table in front of them. Though they feel like absolute shit, they will have vague memories of the events that led up to this moment: a crime they committed, the weird asshole dressed in a fursuit who stopped them, and the detective that just finished interrogating them for the better half of an hour before storming out of the room dramatically.

Their individual files were left on the table right in front of them. Their vision is kind of blurry but they can still see part of their file. Uh, kind of.

It's like there are four distinct symbols and sentences blurring and overlapping with each other. As they blink to clear their vision, the overlapping sentences begin to disappear until only one remains.

Now, which one is it?

[💪] You have enhanced strength, above average stamina and accelerated healing. When you hit that buff juice real good, you become even stronger. Unfortunately, you also lose your ability to listen to common sense and make good life decisions. This is your brain... This is drugs... This is your brain on drugs. Any questions?

[🎭] You are a skilled actor and a shapeshifter who can become anyone and anything. You are also made out of literal clay and can easily reabsorb any bits and pieces of yourself that you may have lost by simply touching them. Yes, even your body fluids. Who needs toilet paper when your leg can just SCHLURP up all that clay pee. Clee? Clee. You consider this a fine and normal thing to do.

[🪁] You have delusions of grandeur and believe kites to be a real superpower. They are not. What should be considered a superpower, however, should be your ability to survive in Gotham despite the fact that you are just a guy dressed in green spandex with a giant kite strapped to your back. Hell yeah.

[🎪] You are a clown.

For the record, each option can only be selected once. You are all very special and unique, okay.]

[agamid]

[ it's time to become clay ]

[tombtaker]

[ the clown was inside him all along ]

[polliwog]

[ brain is a muscle ]

[inequals]

[ ]

TEAM 1 - BLACKGATE

[messy]

[It has been six months since both Dion and Sidon were sent to Blackgate Penitentiary. In those six months, they have gotten to know each other.

And in those six months, they have also thought about how best to escape jail. You know, as one does.

But today, they have been assigned to take on some jobs around the prison... starting with toilet duty. One of the guards leads them to the absolutely filthy looking bathroom on the third floor, hands them the necessary supplies (barring anything that could be used to fashion a shank), and takes their position by the door. Beyond the bathroom doors, they hear the usual hubbub of the prison. Also, they are dressed in orange jumpsuits and have none of their personal inventory on hand.

Well? What now, boys?]

[agamid]

[ Dion holds a sponge like Hamlet holding a skull, and briefly considers if it's worth it. He is already just barely clinging to life; just give him one more reason.

Anyway, ]

Shall we begin on opposite ends and meet in the middle?

[polliwog]

[ dion, are you like, okay. nevermind, after six months that much is probably an obvious no.

sidon is thinking about whether it is racist to make a shark get a fishing license, a question that has haunted him for his entire stay. for now though, he is just going to grin and nod, even though this bathroom is fucking gross!! how else do you stay sane in prison!!! ]

Let's make a race of it!

[ what are their guards up to today... ]

[messy]

[The bathroom smells like someone died here. Maybe someone did.

There are three guards stationed outside, equipped with the usual batons, guns, handcuffs and controls for the collars. They are talking about the latest episode of TAWNY, a hit talk show that recently invited a very popular lesbian human-plant supervillain couple. Diversity win! The guards may be racist but at least they're not homophobic.]

[agamid]

[ Thank god for diversity in media.

Anyway, Dion opens the first stall and probably sees shit (literal) everywhere and instantly closes the stall door again. Except jk, there is no stall door because it's prison and there is no dignity here.

He cares so much about his dignity...

Is there a window in the bathroom? ]

I think it's quite likely you'll be quicker than me, friend.

[ Also, can we assume they have a bucket with soap water. ]

TEAM 2 - ARKHAM

[messy]

[It has been six months since both Lucien and Rodyon were sent to Arkham Asylum. In those six months, they have gotten to know each other.

And in those six months, they have also thought about how best to escape this very questionable mental institution. You know, as one does.

Right now, they are being escorted out of their individual cells so they can be taken to the mess hall. Today's menu is mystery meat with unknowable porridge. The guards escorting them don't say much, but they make sure to nudge them forward if they begin to lag behind — which is bound to happen, considering their wrists and ankles are chained together. Also, they are dressed in orange jumpsuits and have none of their personal inventory on hand.

At least the mess hall chocolate milk is pretty good.

So, what now?]

[tombtaker]

[ shuffling .............. perhaps it took 6 months to plan an escape because he keeps getting extended solitary for trying to dye his jumpsuit black. he really can't add yet another color to this ensemble, it's really throwing off his look. ]

Do you think it's Taco Tuesday?

[inequals]

[ It took six months to escape because Rodion keeps asking whether she can get her spandex and kite back because she NEEDS both to access her superpowers and she keeps getting her request denied. This sucks. ]

I would kill for tacos. Do you have like, a favourite one? Besides "mystery".

Personally I think "mystery" starts losing its allure after like, the second month.

[messy]

[The guard who keeps taking away Lucien's black sharpies and also denying Rodion's requests to return her cool gear rolls their eyes, tugging them along to the mess hall like they're misbehaving puppies on leashes.

There are several inmates already in line with their empty trays in hand. There are others who have already sat down to eat.

It's Sunday. They get porridge.]

[tombtaker]

Nothing wrong with a little myst-- FECK OFF [ he will try and snap and bite if he gets tugged - fuck you, fuck that, fuck mystery meat.

but sure he'll sit down and then just. turn his bowl of porridge upside down on the tray. no. ]

Alright. That's it. We're leaving.

>PART 2: ???

[messy]

[Good morning, Insane Clown Posse.

We are not in Arkhamsas anymore.

When Lucien and Rodion wake up, they will find themselves cuffed and bound to a chair that has been bolted to the floor. Try as they might, they will find that their binds cannot be broken. They can't even move their hands enough to scratch their noses. Damn. Even worse, they have the absolute worst headache of their lives. It feels like someone took a knife to the back of their heads and left it there. A disturbing feeling, like something that does not belong got trapped just beneath the skin.

They are alone in this nondescript, dimly lit room. There are two other chairs to their left, but there is nobody there.

Wonder what that's about?

Oh, well. They might as well use this time to talk amongst themselves...]

[tombtaker]

[ BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ]

He had to be a dick about it.

[inequals]

Oww, ow, ow.

[ Eww she feels groggy. This is actually a very familiar sensation to her, it hpapens when you get rewound from shit like say, getting shot multiple times, or melting into a pile of goo. ]

You even called him "friend".

...

So, porridge for us again?

[tombtaker]

I will never eat porridge again.

[ he also feels awful but maybe he always feels kind of awful. who's to say. ]

[inequals]

We were doing so well!

[ Were they. She rocks vaguely in her chair. ]

I got a nose itch. Help.

>PART 3: RIP JAZZAPAJIZZA

[messy]

[After selecting their very cool costumes and equipment, Task Force X is ready to go beat up a billionaire. Hell yeah!

The Jorker, Sidon, Dion and Kitewoman are shuttled onto a Chinook style helicopter along with Deadshot and Captain Boomerang, and all their nifty equipment. The helicopter crosses over south New Jersey, over Bludhaven and Miagani Bay, and then across Gotham Harbor. Here's your map for reference. Say hi to Blackgate, Dion and Sidon. Remember when you [redacted] and became prison besties? Good times.

The chaos and destruction caused by the zombies is visible even from this high above the ground. These are not your regular everyday zombies; it seems like they come equipped with the ability to terraform Gotham too. There are some red and blue blurs zooming around on the ground, whisking up survivors left and right. That, you know, is likely the Justice League. The pilot veers the helicopter west to avoid catching their attention, flying over Arkham Island in the process.

All seems to be going well and you are on route to the drop off point at the Robert Kane Memorial Bridge.

And then something hits the side of the helicopter, blowing a hole through it and sending it careening to the ground. Hope you buckled up, kids. You're crashing in Crime Alley.]

[tombtaker]

[ YAY well. sorry to the rest of yall but he's trying to gesture to rodya? deploy the kite please? girl help? ]

[polliwog]

[ KITEWOMAN'S TIME TO SHINE!!! but even the greatest kite can probably not carry three additional grown men. so, crashlanding time! assuming there's no water to jump out into, he'll just brace himself through the crash—he'll bodyshield for dion too, but he may not even need it? he's clay? ]

[inequals]

[ See I also thought that, but this clip casually has him flying with at least 4 people on board, one of whom is an absolute square of a person, so like. I GUESS we can do this. Or you can just prepare for crash too, that's fine. Your pick. She cannot force you to kite.

She's unleashing the little kite string thingy and jumping out, she's not staying for a crash landing. ]

Hell yeah.

[ Let's head for somewhere nice, like a rooftop, or at least a tree. ]

[agamid]

[ Down they go!! Rodya is pretty solidly saving their assess, but Dion doesn't want to give her unnecessary baggage, so he lets her jump out with just the Jorker and Sidon. ]

I'll come after you.

[ And then he yeets himself out of the helicopter, and becomes soft. He'll try to follow Rodya's trajectory but he's falling, not sailing. ]