[ wow bruce is really not doing so hot. probably serves him right though. i don't have any sad rich boy meta because i'm sleepy
anyway, he should just let rodya do her work, but the instant her axe even skims a scale he's going to try and take a swipe at her instead, tail lashing like a startled cat. ]
[ Cool, great, she can only barely reach at her walkie-talkie while she tries to deal with angry shark. She'd check that beeping watch but once again, STARTLED SHARK. ]
Working on it -- might be a slow process, bleeding out as we speak!
[ Over! Since she has to dodge Sidon swiping at her. Which she somehow does, because it was a 10 vs 5. And then she is going to counter-strike. It was a nat20. I am sorry. I'm not going to decide anything for you though feel free to do what you feel is appropriate here.
Btw while Plonker and Glonper are going down the basement maybe she can catch them by shouting loud enough? ]
RICH MAN DOWN!!! GOOPS GOOPS COME GET YOUR BESTIE PLEASE HE GOT VOMMED ON!!!
[Correct. There haven't been any other signs of life in the manor. It's perhaps a little concerning because there are other people who live in Wayne Manor, including a a little kid, but they're just not here.
Heading downstairs, the Hunker and Schrodinger's Goops Goops will find that the passageway shifts from an entirely manmade tunnel to that of a cavern the further down the go. They start to hear the chittering of bats soon enough, before they find themselves walking out of the tunnel into... this. The first thing they likely notice is the giant fucking penny resting against the cave wall, partially hidden behind some sort of armory set-up.
The second thing they likely notice are the costumes kept behind glass cases. Robin, Batgirl and, something that sparks a memory of getting arrested by an asshole in this exact costume six months ago, Batman.
The green glow seems to be coming from somewhere just a little further down.
Brucie continues bleeding on the floor. Alexa, play Desbatcito.]
[ Okay, first of all, this is one of the neatest iterations of the Batcave. Second of all, Goop Whoops definitely hears Rodya screaming loud enough for the entire estate to hear, his head jerking back toward the entrance of the cave.
With regret, ] Boops...
[ As much as he's duty bound, he can't leave Kitewoman to deal with that alone, especially since they don't... appear to be in much danger?
He glances back at Junker. ]
Do not be hasty. I will return anon.
[ And then he jogs up the steps, but hopefully Sidon and Rodya are already roid running this way. ]
[ yeah they can roid run into the hallway near the clock, we've got places to be, my guys. with a NAT FUCKING 20, it's safe to assume to the axe. hits his arm. maybe he's not even dodging it, it just hits his arm hard and takes it clean off. it's almost refreshing compared to the start of pain from where some leafy, sealike foliage was starting to grow out of his skin though. thanks, rodya!!
but roids are a mistake and he doesn't even seem to flinch at all the blood or anything else, just persisting to attack her because why not! what a good time. hope they roid rumble down the stairs and into dion. ]
[ COOL YEAH THEY CAN SCUFF AND TUMBLE RIP BRUCIE. IDK WHAT THIS 9 VS 11 AND 6 VS 1 TRANSLATES TO EXACTLY BUT WHAT I DO KNOW IS THAT WE'RE CAUSING TOTAL CHAOS UP IN HERE. Idk maybe we really can end up killing Bruce for real because she dropped her axe or Sidon fell on him.
I don't know they are really going at it, I guess they can simply stumble their way out while fighting. Rodya can sort of try to guide them through the mansion while she tries to figure out just where the hyuck Pombler and Goopler have gone.
Maybe this results in them falling down the stairs. Maybe they will simply crash right into Dion as he emerges to help, and we can Katamari Damacy our way right into Lucien.
royce 🫀💔 rotisserie chicken — Yesterday at 23:07 well you see, we were breaking out of clownham earlier and there was this jester guarding the jokepoint and two other booboos in bozogate who couldnt get their collars off and right as we got recruited to the kookoo squad this goddamn bongillionaire used his zombo ultimate and took over the city. terrible day
[Following the green glow, Lucien can take the stairs past the costume cases down to one of the lower levels. It's there that he will find the source of all the green: the withered husk of a plant creature, currently strapped to a gurney. Pretend the creature looks super fucked up and drained in that image. There are several tubes and machines hooked up to the creature; they seem to be extracting some sort of glowing green substance through the tubes, which disappear into a shaft in the cave wall.
The creature itself is still alive, but just barely. It trashes around weakly when it hears any sort of noise from upstairs.]
Did you... come back for more, motherfucker...? Let me— Let me at you... I'll fucking kill you...
[ as of right now lucien is completely unaware of his impending katamari fate, because someone’s gotta get clown ass shit done around here. there’s a very long moment where he looks at the joybuzzer and then at the creature like he’s trying to decide if just brain blasting this guy would handily solve the problem so much more quickly and without having to have any pesky emotions about it.
but he manages to scrape the barrel on the barest amount of human decency and goes to just destroy the machines and tubes with whatever around looks heavy and Swingable (its the batcave afterall theres maybe a weapon around??) to try and free what is, in theory, the victim in this scenario. ]
[ omg we're all wound together... katamari is actually something that can be so personal 🥺
In any case, his eyes go wide at Bloops' missing arm. ]
No—
[ He's in the process of wrapping a clay restraint around Sidon to keep him from attacking further when the two of them crash into them, so the clay ends up winding around all of them, fusing them into some sort of ball... a ball that gets bigger the more it absorbs things...
They can roll their way down to the lower level I guess!! ]
[ the hilarious timing of how he's probably shrinking a little because the venom is more or less working out of his system. everything's still a bit hazy and he wants to fight rodya some more because sorry about your life and your dead parents and your house, bruce, but this is fun.
instead they are going down the stairs! they are on their way, gorber baby! he's put in a clay swaddle and he's trying to pull it off like peeling gum off a bench, but he only has the one arm to work with and now they're
[ Honestly Rodya is fine with a good fight but everything is happening so much. Unfortunately, her delusion backstory didn't give her the excuse of being axe-crazy. She's just delusional is all it is.
I don't know how we did it but we out-Limbus'd in terms of insanity. She is just (muffled yelling) as they bounce down the stairs and straight into the Batcave. Batbasement. Maybe they can be 2% useful by just so happening to crash into the requisite machinery.
Her axe probably flies out of her hands at some point during this fall if Alli really wants that axe meme. ]
[They sure are in the Batcave! There is a surplus of heavy and swingable things just laying around for Lucien to use. Whatever green stuff was already in transit goes spilling everywhere after he smashes up the tubes and machinery, and plants start sprouting from the puddles left behind.
The creature is not looking good and might be on its last legs anyway. It's all shriveled up and gray.]
[ Rodya’s axe goes flying out of her hands and whizzes right by lucien’s head and thunks into a machine. ]
What in all seven hells are you people doing! I’m supposed to be the fucking lunatic here! I’m the ONLY REAL MADMAN HERE!
[ then he’ll grab the handle of the axe as if he plans to yank it out and join the fray, forgetting he’s got the joybuzzer. Because we’re working on Zelda logic, electricity will shoot through it, overloading a machine and sending it exploding into shrapnel. Hooray!
[ sorry to joxxer, our manic pixie madman, and also this poor dying plant but there is a very large clay katamari pile that goes splat into the room after bouncing like a pinball down the batcave.
[ Splat. Rodya's head is just sticking out of it and she has this exact expression. ]
We're challenging your title, Clownman. Hey, who's this guy?
[ She will just wrestle an arm out from Goopman's embrace to get at her walkie-talkie. She is definitely bleeding from fending off a feral shark and whatever else but whatever, she's fought through worse. ]
There's a withered plant guy in his basement. Who is also dying, I think. Are the zombies gone? Can we go yet?
The plant is so startled by the explosions and the Jonker and also the sharknado Katamari ball that it straight up dies. Just dies. Bye.
There's a moment of silence through the walkie talkies before Sonya's baffled voice comes through:]
... Confirmed. The zombies have started to collapse as of ten seconds ago. Bring the plant with you and let's rendezvous at the cemetery. I've requested an evac.
[They are free to go. Hell yeah.
Now that your mission is complete, what does your grand exit look like?]
[ well he is bleeding profusely because his back is coated in shrapnel, but he seems to be totally ignoring all that in favor of going to dig through the batcave for anything at all that can set this place alight.
He will at least wait semi-politely for the others to grab the plant corpse and exit but he is setting this place ablaze. we can potentially all walk out not looking back at a raging fire like really cool guys … ]
[ give him a second to congeal back into a person-shaped gloop
anyway, the dragon cosplay makes literally no sense as he's wearing it now, but he's mostly focused on the fact that boops is missing an arm. jerker can set the place on fire, and hopefully fitewoman will retrieve the plant, as dion sacrifices his remaining wing to stem droops' bleeding and help him up so they can limp out of this manor before it goes up in flames. ]
[ the dragon cosplay is actually the only outfit that would conform with his clay characteristics. like how the flash wears a specialized suit for his speed. this was dion's only option.
he's mostly back to normal size now and maybe not so murderous as he takes goops's precious wing to stem the blood. without both wings, he is now just a lizard...
sidon is carrying himself fine even if he's injured. ]
It's— [ clears his throat of bloodlust ] It's all right, Goops Goops. It was necessary. Kitewoman—are you all right?
[ they can hurry out as the manor starts to crackle and pop. ]
[ Great. Sure, yeah, she can take the weird plant corpse inexplicably. She may be all torn up and covered in slashes and big ol' shark-shaped bites, but she's still standing and miraculously avoided broken leges from that Katamari fall, so, here we go.
She just thumbs up, which causes her kite to snap open. Don't ask how the mechanics work, this was just funny to happen. ]
Hell yeah.
[ No she's not okay but she still has delusions of grandeur and needs to feel awesome as they action squad walk out of this mansion as it burns behind them. Rest in peace, Brucie. ]
[When they return to the cemetery, they'll find Sonya and Link staring at the giant blazing pillar of fire and smoke where Wayne Manor used to be. As promised, a new, unexploded helicopter arrives to take them away from the scene of their crimes. Sonya takes the plant corpse and places it in a container, where it will be cryogenically frozen and surely not used in all kinds of questionable experiments. It's fine.
Of course, just as discussed, their endeavors will be rewarded. Each one of them will soon receive their very own Green Card as well as a significantly reduced prison sentence.
Unfortunately, they will still be returned to their respective institutions to serve out the rest of their sentences. Additionally, the bomb stays. In the future, they may be called to participate in other missions as members of Task Force X, the government's very own Suicide Squad.
While in jail, they may catch snippets of the news coverage of both the zombie incident and Bruce Wayne's untimely death through the following weeks. One such news report ends with the following statements:
"... Bruce Wayne is survived by his two sons, Richard Grayson and Damian Wayne, who could not be reached for comment. We offer our deepest condolences to the family.... Now, in other news— Lex Luthor declared the third richest man in the world! Are Wonder Woman and Superman dating? Arkham guard claims unjust termination over racist remarks: I swear, it was just a joke! All this and more when we come back after this commercial break."
There are no mentions of foul play in Wayne's death. The fire that took his life is ruled an accident after thorough investigation and the case is promptly closed. For a while, there are rumors of Batman's disappearance floating around both Arkham and Blackgate. Gotham City is said to be in chaos while both the local authorities and the Justice League help with the reconstruction efforts. But in time, the rumors are quelled by supposed sightings of the caped crusader, standing side by side with Batgirl and Robin.
Oh, well. That's no longer the squad's problem.
The gang will be able to keep the following items from their adventures:
Everyone gets to keep their green cards and outfits. Note that any body armor will become cosplay foam upon arrival. Lucien's Jonkerfication will become stage make up and spray-on hair dye that he can scrub out the next time he showers.
Lucien's joy-buzzer will become a hand buzzer toy upon exit, which will deliver a harmless zap to anyone he shakes hands with.
Dion's book will remain as is. Yay!
Sidon's remaining two vials of Venom are now filled with Red Bull? The auto injector shoots out a straw now. Nice.
Rodion's kite no longer has a jetpack. But maybe she can take it flying somewhere nice and windy someday.
Additionally, from now until the start of trial, the group will feel compelled to be exceedingly dramatic about every action they take as if they were characters in a comic book. This will usually be accompanied by the urge to exclaim "[Villain Name], hell yeah!" before or after completing their action. For example: "Kitewoman, hell yeah!" or "Goops Goops, hell yeah!" The effect will come and go throughout the next two days, so you are free to play with it as little or as much as you'd like.
Their canon memories and those of their time spent in the Eudora will also return to the forefront, of course. Their lives in Gotham will subsequently fade to the background.
Now, get the hell out of here and go eat some ice cream.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ Completely unaware that his prison bestie is in dire straits.
But he'll go down with horker, once again materializing a lance in case they find any shenanigans. ]
no subject
anyway, he should just let rodya do her work, but the instant her axe even skims a scale he's going to try and take a swipe at her instead, tail lashing like a startled cat. ]
no subject
Working on it -- might be a slow process, bleeding out as we speak!
[ Over! Since she has to dodge Sidon swiping at her. Which she somehow does, because it was a 10 vs 5. And then she is going to counter-strike. It was a nat20. I am sorry. I'm not going to decide anything for you though feel free to do what you feel is appropriate here.
Btw while Plonker and Glonper are going down the basement maybe she can catch them by shouting loud enough? ]
RICH MAN DOWN!!! GOOPS GOOPS COME GET YOUR BESTIE PLEASE HE GOT VOMMED ON!!!
no subject
Heading downstairs, the Hunker and Schrodinger's Goops Goops will find that the passageway shifts from an entirely manmade tunnel to that of a cavern the further down the go. They start to hear the chittering of bats soon enough, before they find themselves walking out of the tunnel into... this. The first thing they likely notice is the giant fucking penny resting against the cave wall, partially hidden behind some sort of armory set-up.
The second thing they likely notice are the costumes kept behind glass cases. Robin, Batgirl and, something that sparks a memory of getting arrested by an asshole in this exact costume six months ago, Batman.
The green glow seems to be coming from somewhere just a little further down.
Brucie continues bleeding on the floor. Alexa, play Desbatcito.]
no subject
he’ll look back over his shoulder at dion when he gets called for - but he’s not stopping. ]
Go if you want to. I’m going to burn this.
[ fuck that batguy. he’ll head further in, watching for anything with that same green glow. ]
no subject
With regret, ] Boops...
[ As much as he's duty bound, he can't leave Kitewoman to deal with that alone, especially since they don't... appear to be in much danger?
He glances back at Junker. ]
Do not be hasty. I will return anon.
[ And then he jogs up the steps, but hopefully Sidon and Rodya are already roid running this way. ]
no subject
but roids are a mistake and he doesn't even seem to flinch at all the blood or anything else, just persisting to attack her because why not! what a good time. hope they roid rumble down the stairs and into dion. ]
no subject
I don't know they are really going at it, I guess they can simply stumble their way out while fighting. Rodya can sort of try to guide them through the mansion while she tries to figure out just where the hyuck Pombler and Goopler have gone.
Maybe this results in them falling down the stairs. Maybe they will simply crash right into Dion as he emerges to help, and we can Katamari Damacy our way right into Lucien.
well you see, we were breaking out of clownham earlier and there was this jester guarding the jokepoint and two other booboos in bozogate who couldnt get their collars off and right as we got recruited to the kookoo squad this goddamn bongillionaire used his zombo ultimate and took over the city. terrible day
Gods be good. ]
no subject
The creature itself is still alive, but just barely. It trashes around weakly when it hears any sort of noise from upstairs.]
Did you... come back for more, motherfucker...? Let me— Let me at you... I'll fucking kill you...
no subject
[ as of right now lucien is completely unaware of his impending katamari fate, because someone’s gotta get clown ass shit done around here. there’s a very long moment where he looks at the joybuzzer and then at the creature like he’s trying to decide if just brain blasting this guy would handily solve the problem so much more quickly and without having to have any pesky emotions about it.
but he manages to scrape the barrel on the barest amount of human decency and goes to just destroy the machines and tubes with whatever around looks heavy and Swingable (its the batcave afterall theres maybe a weapon around??) to try and free what is, in theory, the victim in this scenario. ]
no subject
In any case, his eyes go wide at Bloops' missing arm. ]
No—
[ He's in the process of wrapping a clay restraint around Sidon to keep him from attacking further when the two of them crash into them, so the clay ends up winding around all of them, fusing them into some sort of ball... a ball that gets bigger the more it absorbs things...
They can roll their way down to the lower level I guess!! ]
no subject
instead they are going down the stairs! they are on their way, gorber baby! he's put in a clay swaddle and he's trying to pull it off like peeling gum off a bench, but he only has the one arm to work with and now they're
katamari.
boing they go. ]
no subject
I don't know how we did it but we out-Limbus'd in terms of insanity. She is just (muffled yelling) as they bounce down the stairs and straight into the Batcave. Batbasement. Maybe they can be 2% useful by just so happening to crash into the requisite machinery.
Her axe probably flies out of her hands at some point during this fall if Alli really wants that axe meme. ]
no subject
W... Who?
[They sure are in the Batcave! There is a surplus of heavy and swingable things just laying around for Lucien to use. Whatever green stuff was already in transit goes spilling everywhere after he smashes up the tubes and machinery, and plants start sprouting from the puddles left behind.
The creature is not looking good and might be on its last legs anyway. It's all shriveled up and gray.]
no subject
[ Rodya’s axe goes flying out of her hands and whizzes right by lucien’s head and thunks into a machine. ]
What in all seven hells are you people doing! I’m supposed to be the fucking lunatic here! I’m the ONLY REAL MADMAN HERE!
[ then he’ll grab the handle of the axe as if he plans to yank it out and join the fray, forgetting he’s got the joybuzzer. Because we’re working on Zelda logic, electricity will shoot through it, overloading a machine and sending it exploding into shrapnel. Hooray!
no subject
splat. ]
no subject
We're challenging your title, Clownman. Hey, who's this guy?
[ She will just wrestle an arm out from Goopman's embrace to get at her walkie-talkie. She is definitely bleeding from fending off a feral shark and whatever else but whatever, she's fought through worse. ]
There's a withered plant guy in his basement. Who is also dying, I think. Are the zombies gone? Can we go yet?
no subject
The plant is so startled by the explosions and the Jonker and also the sharknado Katamari ball that it straight up dies. Just dies. Bye.
There's a moment of silence through the walkie talkies before Sonya's baffled voice comes through:]
... Confirmed. The zombies have started to collapse as of ten seconds ago. Bring the plant with you and let's rendezvous at the cemetery. I've requested an evac.
[They are free to go. Hell yeah.
Now that your mission is complete, what does your grand exit look like?]
no subject
He will at least wait semi-politely for the others to grab the plant corpse and exit but he is setting this place ablaze. we can potentially all walk out not looking back at a raging fire like really cool guys … ]
no subject
anyway, the dragon cosplay makes literally no sense as he's wearing it now, but he's mostly focused on the fact that boops is missing an arm. jerker can set the place on fire, and hopefully fitewoman will retrieve the plant, as dion sacrifices his remaining wing to stem droops' bleeding and help him up so they can limp out of this manor before it goes up in flames. ]
... We need to get Boops help, immediately.
no subject
he's mostly back to normal size now and maybe not so murderous as he takes goops's precious wing to stem the blood. without both wings, he is now just a lizard...
sidon is carrying himself fine even if he's injured. ]
It's— [ clears his throat of bloodlust ] It's all right, Goops Goops. It was necessary. Kitewoman—are you all right?
[ they can hurry out as the manor starts to crackle and pop. ]
no subject
She just thumbs up, which causes her kite to snap open. Don't ask how the mechanics work, this was just funny to happen. ]
Hell yeah.
[ No she's not okay but she still has delusions of grandeur and needs to feel awesome as they action squad walk out of this mansion as it burns behind them. Rest in peace, Brucie. ]
no subject
Of course, just as discussed, their endeavors will be rewarded. Each one of them will soon receive their very own Green Card as well as a significantly reduced prison sentence.
Unfortunately, they will still be returned to their respective institutions to serve out the rest of their sentences. Additionally, the bomb stays. In the future, they may be called to participate in other missions as members of Task Force X, the government's very own Suicide Squad.
While in jail, they may catch snippets of the news coverage of both the zombie incident and Bruce Wayne's untimely death through the following weeks. One such news report ends with the following statements:
"... Bruce Wayne is survived by his two sons, Richard Grayson and Damian Wayne, who could not be reached for comment. We offer our deepest condolences to the family.... Now, in other news— Lex Luthor declared the third richest man in the world! Are Wonder Woman and Superman dating? Arkham guard claims unjust termination over racist remarks: I swear, it was just a joke! All this and more when we come back after this commercial break."
There are no mentions of foul play in Wayne's death. The fire that took his life is ruled an accident after thorough investigation and the case is promptly closed. For a while, there are rumors of Batman's disappearance floating around both Arkham and Blackgate. Gotham City is said to be in chaos while both the local authorities and the Justice League help with the reconstruction efforts. But in time, the rumors are quelled by supposed sightings of the caped crusader, standing side by side with Batgirl and Robin.
Oh, well. That's no longer the squad's problem.
The gang will be able to keep the following items from their adventures:
Lucien's joy-buzzer will become a hand buzzer toy upon exit, which will deliver a harmless zap to anyone he shakes hands with.
Dion's book will remain as is. Yay!
Sidon's remaining two vials of Venom are now filled with Red Bull? The auto injector shoots out a straw now. Nice.
Rodion's kite no longer has a jetpack. But maybe she can take it flying somewhere nice and windy someday.
Additionally, from now until the start of trial, the group will feel compelled to be exceedingly dramatic about every action they take as if they were characters in a comic book. This will usually be accompanied by the urge to exclaim "[Villain Name], hell yeah!" before or after completing their action. For example: "Kitewoman, hell yeah!" or "Goops Goops, hell yeah!" The effect will come and go throughout the next two days, so you are free to play with it as little or as much as you'd like.
Their canon memories and those of their time spent in the Eudora will also return to the forefront, of course. Their lives in Gotham will subsequently fade to the background.
Now, get the hell out of here and go eat some ice cream.]