Interesting, maybe. But necessary. You are villains, and as villains, you are uniquely qualified to do the jobs the government, the Justice League, and its affiliates, cannot touch. Consider yourselves assets. Of course, as assets, you will be given the equipment you need to carry out your orders... If you do well, then in exchange, you will get your green cards and a reduced sentence. We have connections. It will be done.
[A pause, for dramatic effect perhaps.]
... But if that's not incentive enough, then consider this. Do you feel that pain in the back of your heads? While you were asleep, we had our surgeons insert a bomb inside your skulls. This bomb can be remotely detonated by our, ah, "god," from anywhere in the world at any time. If you run, you die. If you turn down this gracious offer, you die. If you fail your mission, you die. If you allow my colleague and I to die, then... well. You get the point, no?
[ I genuinely wish I could say she was like. More upset but even normal Rodion would just be like 'this sucks' at best.
She doesn't answer but she is like, looking at the dick's outfit and thinking about what kind of gunslinger wears a target mark right on their chest. Should've gone with solid traffic cone orange, bud. ]
[Imagine if I said that wasn't actually Link. Imagine if.
The dick nods, and you get the impression that he is smiling under that mask.]
Yes. It's good that you are quick to catch on. [As for Dion's question:] Beloved? No. They are too caught up in their own sense of morality to do what needs to be done. The Justice League wouldn't dirty their hands the jobs you will be doing, despite their necessity. You are villains, and you will be doing what you do best.
[Intuitively, the four of them will have some knowledge of the Justice League. They are the group of heroes that set the standards for all other superhero groups out there. Many young heroes aspire to join their ranks. Squeaky clean reputations. Beloved by all. Stupidly anti-murder. And also, a giant pain in your asses. Half a year ago, wasn't there a man in a fursuit who arrested you...? A member of the Justice League? It would be easier to remember his name if he hadn't knocked you around so much. Fucking superheroes and their excessive use of violence.]
[ yeah its fucking crazy how that guy regularly maims and disables people but somehow seems to never get in trouble for it. ]
Well the only thing I’ve ever done wrong is failing to itemize properly and forgetting once or twice that I had a large item under the cart at the self-checkout, so my suggestion would be get this damned thing out of my head and hire H&R Bl*ck, you contemptible arse.
Spare us the diatribe and get to the point. We can hardly choose death or cooperation without hearing what it is that you need us "villains" to do. [ imagine it's this whole speech and their task is to file taxes ]
[ Imagine feeling bad for crimes. Except in this universe that pawnbroker incident really was just an accident. Honestly she has tuned half of this out. ]
[Imagine if the rest of the CYOA was fighting H&R Block.
Anyway— It seems like the dick is about to say something again, but then he pauses as if listening to something. The stranger grunts and shows the group the tablet that they've been carrying around since they entered the room, which is now unlocked and... live?
A symbol briefly appears, before it's replaced by the shadowy silhouette of a woman.]
You're done talking, Deadshot? Good. Then let me get to the point: Twenty hours ago, while you were all eating porridge or doing... whatever the fuck that was you were doing in the bathroom, we detected the beginnings of zombie activity in Gotham. The dead rising from their graves and spilling out into the streets of Gotham. Currently, we've traced the source to Bristol. [Which, in their AU memories, they all know is a neighborhood that's about 15 past the city line for Gotham. It's also, like, the bougiest neighborhood. Rich assholes with big ol' manors only.
The screen flickers to show a grainy security cam version of this, taken by a drone at a jazz festival. Cannot believe a zombie invasion ruined Jazzapajizza, the most hyped Jazz festival of the century, replacing Jazzfest which was cancelled last year after someone accidentally killed one of the lead musicians of a featured band during a live stage production of (looks at smudged writing) Hamlet........ Damn.]
We believe the four of you are uniquely qualified to deal with this threat. And more importantly, you've still got a pulse unlike all the other poor fuckers who've tried to put an end to this madness so far.
Oh, it's just zombies? I thought you were gonna send us overseas and kill a prime minister at this rate.
[ Sure, she can vibe with zombies. She also doesn't care about jazz but whatever. If it gets her back to her kite hobby I mean rightful metahumanity. ]
You won't be killing a prime minister, but you're close. [On the tablet, they see pictures from different angles of a manor.] We've traced the source of the zombies to Wayne Manor, home to the richest motherfucker in New Jersey and the third richest man in the world. Get inside his house, figure out how he did it, and fix it by any means necessary. If you have to kill him to get the job done, then kill him.
We'll drop you as close to Bristol as we can, but it's up to you to find your own way in. The Justice League is on site assisting civilians, so do not get caught. And yes, before you ask, you will get whatever equipment you need to complete your mission. Any questions?
[ they have to kill bRUCE WAYNE? this is so going to end up on the news. hope they won't be associated with it at all and his acting career can still be salvaged. ]
I suppose we ought to get to it.
[ but also the clay... craves violence a lil bit ]
[ taking down one guy who might've unleashed a zombie horde probably isn't even as bad as overfishing. plus taking out the walking, vomming dead is doing a service, those poor jazz enjoyers. ]
[ Rodion has weird feelings on this matter because normally she's like very much DOWN WITH THE BOURGEOSIE but at the same time in this AU she's pretty well-off because her parents are wealthy industrialists??? Oh well she can just be a hater of other rich people sometimes for fun. People who are Richer. She has no weird feelings regarding Bruce Wayne specifically though, whatever gets her out of this chair and back out on the streets for her skydiving outings first. ]
Oh you better keep that "whatever equipment" promise. C'mon, get us out of these chairs already!
[Live with the clown aesthetic. Your two buddies here who are definitely not Link and (redacted) will start untying them. They may now scratch their noses.]
Deadshot and Captain Boomerang will accompany you on your mission. But remember, if they die, you die.
[So, after they're allowed out of the room, they will be led to another area where they may select their equipment and weapons. In addition to what they can grab from this room, the following bonus items will be given to them:
Lucien: A joy buzzer that can either stun a target or straight up deliver a lethal amount of electricity, depending on the setting. There's a little switch he can toggle to go between the two modes.
Dion: A copy of Safe Lance Ownership for Dummies.
Sidon: Three autoinjectors filled with Venom. Using one of these will take his super strength from "being able to bench press a cow" levels to "being able to lift a semitruck," but it also temporarily drives him into a bloodthirsty rage.
Rodion: A kite-slash-jetpack hybrid. Hell yeah.
Please list whatever other weapons or equipment they would be looking for in the room, so I can confirm or deny what's available. Additionally, they get costumes, so feel free to pick your own fit.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
And what is the nature of this arrangement? Are we to come as dogs each time you call for us?
no subject
Interesting that you would go so far as to recruit "criminals" such as us to a cause.
[ can't mean anything good for them. ]
no subject
What about my kite?
no subject
Interesting, maybe. But necessary. You are villains, and as villains, you are uniquely qualified to do the jobs the government, the Justice League, and its affiliates, cannot touch. Consider yourselves assets. Of course, as assets, you will be given the equipment you need to carry out your orders... If you do well, then in exchange, you will get your green cards and a reduced sentence. We have connections. It will be done.
[A pause, for dramatic effect perhaps.]
... But if that's not incentive enough, then consider this. Do you feel that pain in the back of your heads? While you were asleep, we had our surgeons insert a bomb inside your skulls. This bomb can be remotely detonated by our, ah, "god," from anywhere in the world at any time. If you run, you die. If you turn down this gracious offer, you die. If you fail your mission, you die. If you allow my colleague and I to die, then... well. You get the point, no?
no subject
Carrot. Stick. Got it. Fuck you.
no subject
The point being that we stay under your boot or die, yes.
no subject
She doesn't answer but she is like, looking at the dick's outfit and thinking about what kind of gunslinger wears a target mark right on their chest. Should've gone with solid traffic cone orange, bud. ]
no subject
But, well, Dion is pretty furious about this and || this close to asking to asking to speak to the manager, but he manages to restrain himself. ]
What a wonderful chance at redemption. What is it that you require of us then, that your beloved Justice League cannot accomplish?
no subject
The dick nods, and you get the impression that he is smiling under that mask.]
Yes. It's good that you are quick to catch on. [As for Dion's question:] Beloved? No. They are too caught up in their own sense of morality to do what needs to be done. The Justice League wouldn't dirty their hands the jobs you will be doing, despite their necessity. You are villains, and you will be doing what you do best.
[Intuitively, the four of them will have some knowledge of the Justice League. They are the group of heroes that set the standards for all other superhero groups out there. Many young heroes aspire to join their ranks. Squeaky clean reputations. Beloved by all. Stupidly anti-murder. And also, a giant pain in your asses. Half a year ago, wasn't there a man in a fursuit who arrested you...? A member of the Justice League? It would be easier to remember his name if he hadn't knocked you around so much. Fucking superheroes and their excessive use of violence.]
no subject
Well the only thing I’ve ever done wrong is failing to itemize properly and forgetting once or twice that I had a large item under the cart at the self-checkout, so my suggestion would be get this damned thing out of my head and hire H&R Bl*ck, you contemptible arse.
no subject
Except that he 100% accepts the burden of killing his fellow actor, and intends to repent for his sins. Catholic Alec Baldwin. ]
... I would rather we not wreak further havoc and destruction accomplishing what you ask of us either.
no subject
Spare us the diatribe and get to the point. We can hardly choose death or cooperation without hearing what it is that you need us "villains" to do. [ imagine it's this whole speech and their task is to file taxes ]
no subject
What fish guy said. You talk way too much.
cw: zombies, emeto
Anyway— It seems like the dick is about to say something again, but then he pauses as if listening to something. The stranger grunts and shows the group the tablet that they've been carrying around since they entered the room, which is now unlocked and... live?
A symbol briefly appears, before it's replaced by the shadowy silhouette of a woman.]
You're done talking, Deadshot? Good. Then let me get to the point: Twenty hours ago, while you were all eating porridge or doing... whatever the fuck that was you were doing in the bathroom, we detected the beginnings of zombie activity in Gotham. The dead rising from their graves and spilling out into the streets of Gotham. Currently, we've traced the source to Bristol. [Which, in their AU memories, they all know is a neighborhood that's about 15 past the city line for Gotham. It's also, like, the bougiest neighborhood. Rich assholes with big ol' manors only.
The screen flickers to show a grainy security cam version of this, taken by a drone at a jazz festival. Cannot believe a zombie invasion ruined Jazzapajizza, the most hyped Jazz festival of the century, replacing Jazzfest which was cancelled last year after someone accidentally killed one of the lead musicians of a featured band during a live stage production of (looks at smudged writing) Hamlet........ Damn.]
We believe the four of you are uniquely qualified to deal with this threat. And more importantly, you've still got a pulse unlike all the other poor fuckers who've tried to put an end to this madness so far.
no subject
Fine. Get me out of this. My nose is itchy.
no subject
... Do we have any manner of defence against their [ uh ] vomit?
no subject
...We just have to slay these creatures?
[ seems simple enough, actually? getting broken out of jail to beat things up? ]
no subject
[ Sure, she can vibe with zombies. She also doesn't care about jazz but whatever. If it gets her back to her kite hobby I mean rightful metahumanity. ]
no subject
[So, no. No defenses!]
You won't be killing a prime minister, but you're close. [On the tablet, they see pictures from different angles of a manor.] We've traced the source of the zombies to Wayne Manor, home to the richest motherfucker in New Jersey and the third richest man in the world. Get inside his house, figure out how he did it, and fix it by any means necessary. If you have to kill him to get the job done, then kill him.
We'll drop you as close to Bristol as we can, but it's up to you to find your own way in. The Justice League is on site assisting civilians, so do not get caught. And yes, before you ask, you will get whatever equipment you need to complete your mission. Any questions?
no subject
Do you do dye jobs?
no subject
I suppose we ought to get to it.
[ but also the clay... craves violence a lil bit ]
no subject
I'd rather just get started!
[ impatient now ]
no subject
Oh you better keep that "whatever equipment" promise. C'mon, get us out of these chairs already!
no subject
No.
[Live with the clown aesthetic. Your two buddies here who are definitely not Link and (redacted) will start untying them. They may now scratch their noses.]
Deadshot and Captain Boomerang will accompany you on your mission. But remember, if they die, you die.
[So, after they're allowed out of the room, they will be led to another area where they may select their equipment and weapons. In addition to what they can grab from this room, the following bonus items will be given to them:
Dion: A copy of Safe Lance Ownership for Dummies.
Sidon: Three autoinjectors filled with Venom. Using one of these will take his super strength from "being able to bench press a cow" levels to "being able to lift a semitruck," but it also temporarily drives him into a bloodthirsty rage.
Rodion: A kite-slash-jetpack hybrid. Hell yeah.
Please list whatever other weapons or equipment they would be looking for in the room, so I can confirm or deny what's available. Additionally, they get costumes, so feel free to pick your own fit.]
no subject
so he starts to look for a costume because of reasons ends up with this.
he looks stricken. ]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)