[ bugs do not belong in the cold :nyeh: io will get up, albeit a little slowly with an "oof", moving to turn on a small electric kettle by the desk. a pair of mismatched cups. skimming a drawer briefly. ]
Don't have variety, so you'll get whatever I've got already made... sorry about that. But it'll be hot, so, I hope that'll do?
[ pouring quietly, just staring downwards for a long moment, like maybe he's falling asleep with his eyes open? no it's fine. he blinks after a long stretch and sets his hands on the desk. ]
But I took my brand knowing what it would entail. [ offering him a light smile. ] Mostly. As with most things.
[that light smile gets an attempt at one in turn, but. not quite.]
Well... knowing most of what it'd entail isn't the same as having much choice in it.
[it's an unasked question, something he's leaving to io, if he feels like answering or not. gregor is all too familiar with a lack of choice, and if he's the only physician left, there couldn't have been many options in the beginning.]
Most would rather call me ripper... butcher... that's what I do at the end of the day. [ sitting back down and resting the cup against the join of leg and prosthetic with a soft sigh. much better. there's a small bit of relief. ]
I... [ uncertain of how to say anything about this. ] Sometimes I do not feel like one. But I'm sure you understand that. I am just doing what I can.
When there's blood on your hands, forgiving yourself isn't something that comes easily.
I certainly haven't... I can't go and tell you to do the same... but I can tell you that you are a good man. That you're good every day, mistakes and all. Even if you don't believe it... sometimes knowing that others see that in you—
[ a tug at the mouth, a faint smile. ] It's something. A drop in the bucket. You keep moving.
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[losing people they never should have lost, both to death and to their hands being forced. to seemingly losing control.
the contact helps, at least, so he just-- breathes.]
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It is... even if you're seasoned at this sort of thing. "Good" at losing people. Everyone has a point where it starts to break.
I understand.
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[that's all.
looks at this weekend looks away. anyway.]
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Not to say you are at it, but rather tremors.
[ foundations shaken.
don't talk to me about this weekend i feel so fucking betrayed and i'm a mod. ]
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[hehe? listen sometimes you have to slap betray...]
I'm still-- hoping it'll all work out in the end.
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[ a small smile. ]
Even with every disaster, I think we're getting closer.
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[giving him a little nudge, with a small grin of his own.]
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The faith in them is... appreciated. They're stubborn at least.
[ a chuckle ]
And frozen. How about something hot to drink?
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[a little shiver, as if right on cue. ughhh it's too COLD for a bug.]
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Don't have variety, so you'll get whatever I've got already made... sorry about that. But it'll be hot, so, I hope that'll do?
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[just watching him work, for the moment.]
Tell me if you want a hand.
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[ a huff and just prepping a couple of leaves. ]
Reminds me of the work left to do back home.
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[io your kids. your earth.]
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[ the kettle just bubbles, almost there. ]
I need to... save that idiot too.
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[geez.
being the only physician they have to save them from the plague, having someone else to save on top of it all--]
It must be heavy.
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It is.
[ pouring quietly, just staring downwards for a long moment, like maybe he's falling asleep with his eyes open? no it's fine. he blinks after a long stretch and sets his hands on the desk. ]
But I took my brand knowing what it would entail. [ offering him a light smile. ] Mostly. As with most things.
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Well... knowing most of what it'd entail isn't the same as having much choice in it.
[it's an unasked question, something he's leaving to io, if he feels like answering or not. gregor is all too familiar with a lack of choice, and if he's the only physician left, there couldn't have been many options in the beginning.]
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[ a choice willed into existence. it needed to be. he finishes up and brings over a hot cup, handing it over with care. a smile. still. ]
What's been willed simply... will be. And I'm okay with that if it means I can save my town.
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[something that had to be, but that-- at least ends up doing some good. ends up with saving people, with being in a position to help.
gregor takes the cup carefully, human hand curling around it to soak up the warmth.]
... you're a good man, you know.
[it's part of what makes gregor so fond of him.]
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I... [ uncertain of how to say anything about this. ] Sometimes I do not feel like one. But I'm sure you understand that. I am just doing what I can.
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[it's always been enough, here.]
I get it, though. Every time someone here tells me I am, I... almost don't wanna hear it.
[because what good has he done here, really. he hasn't done anything somebody else couldn't. his support could be replaced, if he were gone.]
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I certainly haven't... I can't go and tell you to do the same... but I can tell you that you are a good man. That you're good every day, mistakes and all. Even if you don't believe it... sometimes knowing that others see that in you—
[ a tug at the mouth, a faint smile. ] It's something. A drop in the bucket. You keep moving.
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Haah... you say stuff like that in a way I just might believe, you know? Careful with that.
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I'll take that as a compliment...
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[which gets a tiny little smile from him again, at least.]
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HELLO DW I POSTED THIS
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