[ Isn't it funny how things happen a lot. Isn't it funnier when you fail again and again.
As captain, it was your duty to keep your crewmates safe and alive, send them back home. Probably.
You can peer into the same room you had walked to in the earlier 'jump', seeing a sick person lying down atop a counter, wheezing. Too warm, feverish, a trail of blood coming from the corner of his mouth.
It could be either-or. In the end, it's someone who died on your watch. ]
[ "And you know what makes it all extra special? You're a Captain! You're supposed to keep your crew safe. Safe from bombs and viruses and - and outer space! You're supposed to protect them and make sure they don't die!" it's okay. hera doesn't have to be here to hear her.
even knowing that there's nothing she can do at this point, nothing she can do on her own, she'll still rush to his side. look around for anything she can give them to help - water or painkillers or anything else that won't cure him but might at least make it all a little more painless. she'll wipe the blood away from his mouth.
but the only one who could really help is selberg. ]
Where's the doctor?
[ will they even be able to answer?
does it even matter, when this has already happened? ]
[ They can only give you an answer you've already heard, something you've probably replayed in your head a thousand times by now.
Maybe that's Isabel's true sin -- just a failure of imagination, thinking about what she could've done different but it wasn't in your mind back then, who was responsible, who you overlooked, who was right under your nose, using your own crew like they were rats. The scurrying. Rats in the lab, a rat in your crew! Fucking rats.
Does it matter if you catch him, if you can't undo a thing? You can try. ]
lovelace makes sure her crewmate is comfortable before moving on. looking for dr. selberg with her gun already drawn. she can't undo it, and she knows that. even a time anomaly wouldn't help. wouldn't put her back here. not at this time.
but just letting it play out again in front of her exactly the same isn't something she can do. ]
[ The gentle, quiet beeping of the ship is gone. It's not dead silent, which is the only way you know that the systems are working just enough that you won't die of a loss of oxygen, of the heat being sapped into the echoes of deep space, but that's all you have.
The corridors loop around and around until it feels like you're the one in the maze, trying to seek a way out of a labyrinth, just a little test rat yourself.
Head towards the control room and you'll see your familiar doctor, inputting commands into the terminal. ]
[ terrible, thank you. this ship always breathes. the doors sound like little sighs when they open and clothes. like it's haunted. running around in circles without being able to get where she wants - that's happened before too. maybe she should have asked for eris instead of rhea or hera.
[ The doc ponders this over the terminal, fingers tapping across the board. A soft hum of thought. The tension in the air is thick and cold, like a massive slab of ice divides the distance between you and him.
'I suppose I am. We're lucky survivors, you and I.'
I could call it luck, for me. Bad luck, maybe, but luck. But you aren't here by luck. You're here because you're a cockroach.
[ he just lives and lives no matter what happens. he kills to stay in the good graces of a company that would leave him for dead again, and he knows it. knows they don't care. as long as it's worth it to him. as long as he has his research. his virus. ]
I should have killed you the second I saw you. When I first came back.
I think—that's still what Isabel Lovelace would do.
[ that's probably bad? she realizes this. like it's not great to cling to your mistakes and your failures. but letting them go would be worse. it would be an insult to their memory. ]
It doesn't matter if I'm the same person or not. Either way... I'm going to be Isabel Lovelace. From now on.
[ Nobody can do Isabel Lovelace better than Isabel Lovelace.
'From now on... so you're moving on, Captain?'
The figure finally turns, watching her, leaning against the console and not even trying to move out of the way of the gun. Whether she'll shoot or not, it's almost as if he already knows.
Don't. You can try to spin this around on me all you want, but I didn't know—you're the one that did this. You're the one that tried to move on. Change your name. Do it all over again.
[ Doc seems to consider this, but you don't feel a hint of real remorse.
'I have a goal here, Captain Lovelace. It doesn't look good now, but it'll pay off. It's for the betterment of mankind. And for there to be progress, some things have to be lost.'
'Me, I'm ready to make that sacrifice in the name of growth.'
'You could be, too. It looks rough now, but once we get through that storm... we could all be living in a better universe.'
'I'll be sure to commemorate their names as heroes.'
[ Isabel's gun fires, and the scene suddenly shatters, like she shot a mirror, like she shot a thin panel of ice. It splinters as her bullet stops in place, exactly where it should've gone, right in that fucker's head.
And then everything shatters, leaving a black hole in the place of the doctor, a cold draft of wind coming from it that seems to pull Isabel forward.
The guilt still lies with you, but you don't have to contain it internally -- not when there's fuckers you know are to blame.
Don't fix the symptoms, fix the disease. Isabel would know best.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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No response from Hera.
You hear coughing in the distance. ]
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Sa—Lambert?
[ or eiffel? it's a different man. same place. same virus. variations on a theme. god, she hates this so much. ]
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As captain, it was your duty to keep your crewmates safe and alive, send them back home. Probably.
You can peer into the same room you had walked to in the earlier 'jump', seeing a sick person lying down atop a counter, wheezing. Too warm, feverish, a trail of blood coming from the corner of his mouth.
It could be either-or. In the end, it's someone who died on your watch. ]
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even knowing that there's nothing she can do at this point, nothing she can do on her own, she'll still rush to his side. look around for anything she can give them to help - water or painkillers or anything else that won't cure him but might at least make it all a little more painless. she'll wipe the blood away from his mouth.
but the only one who could really help is selberg. ]
Where's the doctor?
[ will they even be able to answer?
does it even matter, when this has already happened? ]
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Maybe that's Isabel's true sin -- just a failure of imagination, thinking about what she could've done different but it wasn't in your mind back then, who was responsible, who you overlooked, who was right under your nose, using your own crew like they were rats. The scurrying. Rats in the lab, a rat in your crew! Fucking rats.
Does it matter if you catch him, if you can't undo a thing? You can try. ]
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lovelace makes sure her crewmate is comfortable before moving on. looking for dr. selberg with her gun already drawn. she can't undo it, and she knows that. even a time anomaly wouldn't help. wouldn't put her back here. not at this time.
but just letting it play out again in front of her exactly the same isn't something she can do. ]
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The corridors loop around and around until it feels like you're the one in the maze, trying to seek a way out of a labyrinth, just a little test rat yourself.
Head towards the control room and you'll see your familiar doctor, inputting commands into the terminal. ]
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but probably not.
she'll point her gun at him! ]
Selberg.
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'Captain. You look well.'
'What brings you here?' ]
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I'm always here. Just like you're always here.
[ He never goes away. He never changes. ]
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'I suppose I am. We're lucky survivors, you and I.'
'What do you think about that?' ]
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[ he just lives and lives no matter what happens. he kills to stay in the good graces of a company that would leave him for dead again, and he knows it. knows they don't care. as long as it's worth it to him. as long as he has his research. his virus. ]
I should have killed you the second I saw you. When I first came back.
I think—that's still what Isabel Lovelace would do.
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'Isabel Lovelace...'
'The you from then and the you now. Do you think you're a different person now?'
'Or are you still the same person unable to let go of your failures?' ]
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[ that's probably bad? she realizes this. like it's not great to cling to your mistakes and your failures. but letting them go would be worse. it would be an insult to their memory. ]
It doesn't matter if I'm the same person or not. Either way... I'm going to be Isabel Lovelace. From now on.
[ so why isn't she shooting. she should shoot. ]
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'From now on... so you're moving on, Captain?'
The figure finally turns, watching her, leaning against the console and not even trying to move out of the way of the gun. Whether she'll shoot or not, it's almost as if he already knows.
'Who are you angry at here, exactly?' ]
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Don't. You can try to spin this around on me all you want, but I didn't know—you're the one that did this. You're the one that tried to move on. Change your name. Do it all over again.
Cycle repeats until you're dead.
[ deep breath. steady aim. ]
Did you regret it? Even a little bit, at the end?
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'I have a goal here, Captain Lovelace. It doesn't look good now, but it'll pay off. It's for the betterment of mankind. And for there to be progress, some things have to be lost.'
'Me, I'm ready to make that sacrifice in the name of growth.'
'You could be, too. It looks rough now, but once we get through that storm... we could all be living in a better universe.'
'I'll be sure to commemorate their names as heroes.'
'What do you say?' ]
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[ she shoots him! ]
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And then everything shatters, leaving a black hole in the place of the doctor, a cold draft of wind coming from it that seems to pull Isabel forward.
The guilt still lies with you, but you don't have to contain it internally -- not when there's fuckers you know are to blame.
Don't fix the symptoms, fix the disease. Isabel would know best.
There's no way to go but forward. ]
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And you sink, and sink, and sink into the depths. And then you’re just... gone. But that’s not the end of the story.
and then, after that, no way to go but forward. where are the other two...? ]
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