[ i'm rooting for this sherlock and watson duo frankly i love this.
anyways, there's a... book on the screen, and a whimsical score overtop as the camera zooms in slowly. someone's voice narrates. ]
Once upon a time... there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle, guarded by a terrible fire breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison...
But none prevailed.
She waited in the dragon's keep, in the highest room, of the tallest tower, for her true love and true love's first kiss.
[ a rueful, rude laugh, and then a... large, sausage-fingered, green hand comes into the picture, to tear the last page out of the book. ] Ha, like that's ever gonna happen! What a load of -
[ a toilet flushes. and then, both an outhouse's door and the doors to the showing room you're in slam the fuck open at the same time, music immediate like a scare chord as a giant
green man
stands in the doorway and looks
directly
at the two of you
with so much ogre malice in his eyes. the moment your feet drop to the theater floor again, they're glued like a fly trap to the syrupy soda stickiness. ]
[ JESUS well okay this is weird, and then the doors slam open and temenos jumps about three feet in the air and sees
That.
you know what? you know what? do you think he's afraid of a large green man? last week he had to tango with a giant plant. earlier today two people tried to make him admit to having emotions out loud. he spent an entire trial listening to people talk about poop. this is nothing. this is CHILD'S PLAY.
when he leaps up to his feet like a startled cat and gets stuck, he looks down, and stares at the Malicious Ogre.
he takes his staff and whacks it against his open palm. ]
[ the first thing he says when the door bursts open is: ]
Audience participation?
[ but no, that hatred is quite intent and fixated directly upon him and temenos. he jolts to standing, but finds his sandals firmly stuck to the floor. ]
Try not to get hit.
[ nodd will quickly undo the velcro on his te*as and jump onto the backs of the closest row of seats. yeah, gripping with his bare toes. you wanted this, you sick fuck. ]
shrek comes at you like this, so square the fuck up, you freaks. roll a d20 each not to see if you CAN take out shrek, but instead HOW LONG it takes you to do this. ]
[ mid. a mid 10. this is because of nodd's feet. however, upon watching his new compatriot leap onto the chairs, temenos thinks about how this week has been terrible and about that stupid poster? and about having to answer questions about his life. no!!!! none of that!!! temenos is tired!!!!
anyway i got a 17 so he winds up his staff and prepares to just crack shrek across the face the minute he gets close enough. :coerce: ]
[ haters don't bother nodd none, he knows what he's got (a poster with two hot guys on it now hidden in his hair). plus, he's been making major use of the combat room/kwon since it was introduced, you know. yesterday. the roll of 16 means footman is prepared to go.
the idea is to get behind the Shronk and knock his orc-ish head lower for maximum bonkage by the guy with the tragic dead boyfriend. ]
[ fucking flawless execution, kids. shrek and his wildly running legs but otherwise immobile form are brought to a more bonkable level for temenos to beat the shit out of him.
nodd is free to wail on him, as well, as he is brought down to mortal by the fact that he, too, is not immune to the fly trap that is a sticky theater floor.
[ after being absolutely brutalized by two bottoms, shrek explodes
like this, but in green confetti.
in the remains of the green confetti, are twodatapads, the first of which is encrypted so the video shorts out/shows corruption in it... for now. it's up to you to figure out what you want to do with these.
you're free to react and can go when you're ready. you've solved my shrek puzzle. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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oh, the movie is starting. ]
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[ sparkles ]
Ah, look, the film is starting.
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[ the lie curse may have worn off but it doesn't mean he can't at all. ]
Yeah, the show is starting.
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anyways, there's a... book on the screen, and a whimsical score overtop as the camera zooms in slowly. someone's voice narrates. ]
Once upon a time... there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle, guarded by a terrible fire breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison...
But none prevailed.
She waited in the dragon's keep, in the highest room, of the tallest tower, for her true love and true love's first kiss.
[ a rueful, rude laugh, and then a... large, sausage-fingered, green hand comes into the picture, to tear the last page out of the book. ] Ha, like that's ever gonna happen! What a load of -
[ a toilet flushes. and then, both an outhouse's door and the doors to the showing room you're in slam the fuck open at the same time, music immediate like a scare chord as a giant
green man
stands in the doorway and looks
directly
at the two of you
with so much ogre malice in his eyes. the moment your feet drop to the theater floor again, they're glued like a fly trap to the syrupy soda stickiness. ]
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That.
you know what? you know what? do you think he's afraid of a large green man? last week he had to tango with a giant plant. earlier today two people tried to make him admit to having emotions out loud. he spent an entire trial listening to people talk about poop. this is nothing. this is CHILD'S PLAY.
when he leaps up to his feet like a startled cat and gets stuck, he looks down, and stares at the Malicious Ogre.
he takes his staff and whacks it against his open palm. ]
-- Oh, good. Time for some questioning.
[ and starts emitting this Aura of Violence ]
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Audience participation?
[ but no, that hatred is quite intent and fixated directly upon him and temenos. he jolts to standing, but finds his sandals firmly stuck to the floor. ]
Try not to get hit.
[ nodd will quickly undo the velcro on his te*as and jump onto the backs of the closest row of seats. yeah, gripping with his bare toes. you wanted this, you sick fuck. ]
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well.
shrek comes at you like this, so square the fuck up, you freaks. roll a d20 each not to see if you CAN take out shrek, but instead HOW LONG it takes you to do this. ]
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anyway i got a 17 so he winds up his staff and prepares to just crack shrek across the face the minute he gets close enough. :coerce: ]
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the idea is to get behind the Shronk and knock his orc-ish head lower for maximum bonkage by the guy with the tragic dead boyfriend. ]
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nodd is free to wail on him, as well, as he is brought down to mortal by the fact that he, too, is not immune to the fly trap that is a sticky theater floor.
have at him. ]
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Now die!
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like this, but in green confetti.
in the remains of the green confetti, are two datapads, the first of which is encrypted so the video shorts out/shows corruption in it... for now. it's up to you to figure out what you want to do with these.
you're free to react and can go when you're ready. you've solved my shrek puzzle. ]