I don't actually mind it that much... but I think the memory of this place is tied to it too tightly, and the intentions that were perhaps meant for us...
[ to use us... ]
The names had good meaning before. We were eight together, strangers, different, most of us didn't know anything about this technology.
Takashi... he was the one who named us. I cherish that... and I think I'll always care fondly for that name despite the stain on it, but I miss this one the most. The name my mother gave me.
... can't blame you for that. I think I'd feel the same.
[even if he weren't stuck with a rude callsign, just-- not going by gregor would be so strange. he'd miss hearing his name called. he'd wonder who he was.]
I'll keep using it if you miss it, then, Artemy. [...] -mein Schatz.
[faintly embarrassed after, maybe. he hasn't said it before.]
[ sometimes you guys get callsigns like matching sweaters and it's really nice actually because you're all moons around a big planet...
but sometimes it does remind you of being brain-controlled and manipulated, so. ]
I don't speak German - [ /lady gaga voice "but i can if you like" (no) ] - just Russian and Kin. That's what that sounds like, anyways. I've heard it before... but not that word.
[ a huff, soft, tired, and then just closing his eyes, reaching to softly tousle his hair. his eyes look a little lost for a moment, gazing upwards again, to the sky, and he shifts just a bit, letting. he absorbs this very quietly. ]
... Gregor. I care for you. You are my... khayratay inagni. A beloved friend...
[ that is fact. truth. he then lowers his head. he's still glad he's here, of course, but he tilts his head a little bit. is it possible for someone to look content but also resigned to their own sense of despair at the same time? possibly. ]
I enjoy the time that we get to spend together...
[ and we'll get you all back. of that, there's no doubt. if sleeplessness isn't an indicator, then what else could be but the determination to get through a storm, from the belly of a beast, back to everyone? ]
But you know that I can't give you more. I'm not capable of that.
I know. I know, we... both gotta go back. You've got your kids, your people, your town, and... me and Rodya have our contracts.
[they talked about this, right? though, that look on his face...]
But it's like I said before. I'll be here with you until I can't. It's-- fine if it's not permanent, that doesn't make me feel any differently about you, Artemy.
[he's aware neither of them can commit. he offered anyway, because even temporary, it's still something.
[ they did. but he's still here to make certain he has no expectations. he doesn't want to let someone down or be a burden in this way. he requires time, time that he doesn't have on his side ever when he dies again and again. (is it even going to be him? will it ever be him again?)
he closes his eyes again.
it is something, he just can't accept it. ]
I am... surprised that it doesn't. [ quietly ] I'll be here for you... regardless.
Mmmhm. A couple of others and you were there... in my dream.
The thing was trying to get us to remain... used your faces to keep us so that we'd be more... pliant to digestion, I think. Had us in some idyllic landscape full of water and sunlight...
I was able to cut myself free, but nearly didn't...
[ DO NOT JUST SAY THAT. he splays his hands briefly. they are still scarred up, about as much as they normally are, but yeah, you can't see any acid burns... bc dream. ] I ripped my way out with a scalpel I carry... had to rip the others out after. Worth it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ to use us... ]
The names had good meaning before. We were eight together, strangers, different, most of us didn't know anything about this technology.
Takashi... he was the one who named us. I cherish that... and I think I'll always care fondly for that name despite the stain on it, but I miss this one the most. The name my mother gave me.
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[even if he weren't stuck with a rude callsign, just-- not going by gregor would be so strange. he'd miss hearing his name called. he'd wonder who he was.]
I'll keep using it if you miss it, then, Artemy. [...] -mein Schatz.
[faintly embarrassed after, maybe. he hasn't said it before.]
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but sometimes it does remind you of being brain-controlled and manipulated, so. ]
I don't speak German - [ /lady gaga voice "but i can if you like" (no) ] - just Russian and Kin. That's what that sounds like, anyways. I've heard it before... but not that word.
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[but it's still something to call your partner. the other half of whatever it is they have, here.]
Liebling, that would be a little easier to translate. Mein Liebling is a little more like- my favorite one.
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... Gregor. I care for you. You are my... khayratay inagni. A beloved friend...
[ that is fact. truth. he then lowers his head. he's still glad he's here, of course, but he tilts his head a little bit. is it possible for someone to look content but also resigned to their own sense of despair at the same time? possibly. ]
I enjoy the time that we get to spend together...
[ and we'll get you all back. of that, there's no doubt. if sleeplessness isn't an indicator, then what else could be but the determination to get through a storm, from the belly of a beast, back to everyone? ]
But you know that I can't give you more. I'm not capable of that.
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[they talked about this, right? though, that look on his face...]
But it's like I said before. I'll be here with you until I can't. It's-- fine if it's not permanent, that doesn't make me feel any differently about you, Artemy.
[he's aware neither of them can commit. he offered anyway, because even temporary, it's still something.
he thinks it's something, anyway.]
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he closes his eyes again.
it is something, he just can't accept it. ]
I am... surprised that it doesn't. [ quietly ] I'll be here for you... regardless.
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[still. even so.]
I, ah. Guess I could've stood to be a little... clearer about what I was trying to offer, before, I'm not used to...
[a vague little handwave. you know, any of this. it's all pretty unfamiliar.
maybe it's felt a little safer, knowing that he probably won't see anyone here again.]
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[ a somewhat helpless look, though it turns somber again. ]
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[he's not sure what else to say, honestly, just. resting here quietly, after that.]
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I did see you. When we were there, working to dispel the storm.
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...like the rift I was in showing me Yuri, in that life?
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The thing was trying to get us to remain... used your faces to keep us so that we'd be more... pliant to digestion, I think. Had us in some idyllic landscape full of water and sunlight...
I was able to cut myself free, but nearly didn't...
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....
he's not going to linger on him saying that it-- nearly worked.]
But you did. You made it outta there.
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Hands are a bit fucked, and my leg broke, but... hey, it was coming off anyways.
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There's worse things to break. Like your hands, doctor.
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[ DO NOT JUST SAY THAT. he splays his hands briefly. they are still scarred up, about as much as they normally are, but yeah, you can't see any acid burns... bc dream. ] I ripped my way out with a scalpel I carry... had to rip the others out after. Worth it.
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[GOD. he's over here dead while this is happening to people he cares about it and it sucks.]
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[ just flopping back tiredly. ]